Marbled Rye Bread

Dude, how many recipes have I done thus far?  I should have counted them or something.  I mean, I guess I could do that now, right?  This is my nineteenth.  I have twenty-four left.  Damn.  That's a lot.  But, I'm almost halfway through!  Should I keep a countdown on my page like Julie did in Julie and Julia?  I mean, she time limited herself (no way I'm doing that), but whateva.  Let me know, fans and friends!  Or don't.  Either way, you know.

Anyway, today's bread represents yours truly.  Dark and white, all mixed up and (hopefully) awesome.  Although I guess I'm more like a smoothie or something, not necessarily divided.  Oh, race.  Why are you in my blog as often as you are?

So!  Marbled rye bread, because it is marbled, requires basically two different doughs which are basically the same thing, except one is darker (again, bread as metaphor for race, totally coming through right here.  I wonder if we can document a prejudice against pumpernickel v. rye.  I have to say I prefer rye, but I mean, whatevs, we already knew I'm totes racist, or else this blog wouldn't be so weird).

So!  We've got light and dark ryes = rye flour + bread flour + salt + yeast + caraway seeds (yep, I splurged, what can I say, I <3 the seeds) + molasses + shortening + water (+ the only difference between the breads -- dark has some cocoa powder in it) =

Top is light, bottom is dark.  I know it looks the opposite, but you'll see.  Kneading this bread was fun!  Maybe it was the difference between including some rye flour, but it was all mattressy.  I can't think of the appropriate adjective right now, but I hope that brings the correct image to mind.

After kneading!

The dark rye reminded me of coffee and/or chocolate ice cream in it's coloring.  Also, it's hot.  So, that could have potentially affected my thinking.  BRB.  Going to get a fudgesicle.

Check it!  It's marbled like the bread!  Anyway . . .

Friends!  They sit for ninety minutes in this separate, but equal sitch.

Oh, and look!  At first, my bookmark for, you know, what recipe I'm on was a subscription maily thing from one of Brendan's Rolling Stones from like Christmas or something.  But the other day, he left a subscription thing for GQ on the table, and I stole it (sorry, B).  Obvi, it's preferable.

Look sharp, live smart, kids.  Buy GQ with James Franco gracing the cover.

After ninety minutes and several chapters of The Host, we have:

Ice-cream-looking friends!  So, I'm making a spiral loaf (that hopefully will look better than that linked picture) =

Hey, look!  It was 2:17!  Thanks, Microwave!  So, at 3:17 (or possibly up to thirty minutes afterwards), this loaf will have finished proofing.

And!

This is huge.  Like, for serious.  It's going to like blow up in the oven, dude.

I haven't taken an oven pic in a while.  So, here, frenemies!

Around 45 minutes later, we've got a finished product, ladies and gents!

Can't wait to see what it looks like cut up!  Just to give you an idea, this is what Peter's picture looks like:

Damn, isn't that lookin' fine?  I can only hope my bread <3s me as much!  Until then (an hour or two til I can cut this up), I go to Target to buy things I most likely don't need.  But I do need.  Oh, my internal struggles with money and capitalism.  Sigh.

After $30 and 1.5 hrs:

Nice swirl.  The bread is kind of underwhelming.  A little too doughy for my taste.  But <3 the caraway seeds.  3/5 <3

Light Wheat Bread

Hello soldiers!  So!  Finally, I'm back with a substantive post.  This week, light wheat bread aka bread with 1/3 wheat flour, 2/3 white.  Like me!  Except I'm more 50/50, leaning, if you get my drift.  I'm making a whole recipe today!  Since the recipe makes one loaf, and I eat sandwiches every day now.

Aight.  Bread flour + wheat flour + sugar + salt + yeast =

What do you spy in that picture, huh?  I KNOW, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I HAVE WHAT I ALWAYS DREAMED OF HAVING.  I CANNOT OVERSTATE MY HAPPINESS AT THIS POINT.  Yes, the always coveted 8 cup pyrex bowl/measuring cup/tool of awesomeness.  I know what you're thinking -- Taneem, you splurged on that?  But you never splurge, and also you buy too many clothes to make another purchase.  WELL, that's why one needs BFFs people!!!!!!!!!!!!  All my thanks and all my love to Nikki and Dana for the BEST PRESENT EVER (this was for graduating).  I felt SO cool measuring today.  As you'll see. <3 <3 <3 N&D!

i think i put my limit on the caps at this point, perhaps the rest of the entry sans caps?  aight, back to the recipe + pyrex awesomeness:

+ milk (the recipe called for powdered, but it was $7 at the store, so I used evaporated) + butter + water =

And stir stir, etc:

Damn, the internets is running slow right now.  Knead and knead.

This sits for 1 1/2 to 2 hrs.  AND, CHECK IT OUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

I KNOW I HAVE FOUR CUPS.  So, this will DOUBLE and I CAN ACTUALLY SEE IT.  Ahhhhh!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 N&D!!!!

PS:

Oww oww!  So cute.  This thing is also eco-friendly aka requires less plastic wrap.  I think it, like Jean Valjean, needs a name.  Any suggestions?  Perhaps, because it was first used on light wheat bread day, and appropriate name would be Drake (who, if you couldn't tell, is one of my ridic obsessions right now).

But, I mean, if we are discussing bread-as-race here, I mean, there are plenty of light-skinned men to choose from, na?!  Ah, whateva.

But don't worry, Idris Elba and Trey Songz, you will get your chance.  Peter does include a recipe for 100 percent whole wheat bread for "whole grain purists."  So, obvi, I will continue associating race with bread and continue objectifying "hot" men, b/c there is nothing problematic about that.  Sigh.

After 1.5 hrs, we have an overachiever:

I am <3ing this bowl thing so much.  Srsly.

PS: I am like super brown right now, after spending like three days out of the week like in direct sunlight for at least five hours.  I qualify as whole wheat bread right now.  For true.  Thanks, Bab, for the Shahnaz Husain Precious Pearl Cream Naturally Whitening Rehydrant Moisturizer straight from the motherland.  I need to use it all summer long.

Back to the actual bread, rather than my effed up race metaphor, we have a loaf:

This hangs for 1.5 hrs, so it can crest, et al.

And here it is, crested like the bell curve of my student grades.  Actually, no, my student grades were relatively skewed.

In the belly of the beast for half an hour (no pix -- I am also cooking spaghetti sauce, so my mind is elsewhere).

I mean, for 45 min.  I misread Peter and was like, oh, this is really light, and then realized it wasn't done and was like, oh, okay, I'll keep making my spaghetti sauce.  Lalalalala.

Ek ya do gunte ke bad, main ye kha sakti hai.  Until then, I'll hang out and live the leisurely life of a real-life-worker's weekend.

4/5 Anyway, I'm going to go watch a movie.  Bye <3

Update, Since You Love Me

Yo readers.  I know how it is, waiting, waiting for a post from me!  Well, actually I don't know how it is b/c I have all the power in this sitch.  So, I be making sure the Young Money ship is never sinking.  And by Young Money, I mean my blog.  Here's what up -- I had finals aka final papers, during which I also started a full time job (that I'm still working), meaning I'm out of the house 9-4 on the daily.  Lo siento.  So, bread baking days = Saturday or Sunday?  Idk.  I might be able to bake after I come home.  Might try tomorrow.

But!  Here's some updates on my adventures with bread, at any rate:

True to my word, pita/lavash/brown-people-bread with aloo chole!!

AND.  GASP.

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I STARTED THIS BLOG.

I.  BOUGHT.  BREAD.

I know.  I'm a horrible person.  But since I'm working (at a summer camp), I need to pack lunch = cheese sandwiches, for which I need bread that I don't have.  SAD.

Hopefully, soon, I'll have a real entry for you, until then, I leave you with this song, in which Drake gives a shout out to me, and by me, I mean Barack Obama, but you know, with a name like mine, you're happy with what you get:



<3