Friday, June 4, 2010

Lavash "Crackers"

Okay, so despite this weekend being my sister and brother-in-law's third wedding-related ceremony/reception, I am baking bread today, Friday, June 4 because it makes me happy and I need to be happy right now.  Fo realz.

Fittingly, a couple days before my sister and BIL reexchange vows for the third time at an Indian-style reception, Peter has me making lavash.  Why, you may ask, is this fitting?  Lavash, as we all know, is not Indian, but is rather of the Iran-ish region of Eurasia.  Well, in the style of my life recently -- considering my viewing of Sex and the City 2 and subsequent ravenous review-reading (see my fave review here) -- Peter totally Orientalizes bread.  DUDE.  Seriously.  I mean, in describing the lavash crackers, he notes, "It [lavash] is similar to the many other Middle Eastern and North African flatbreads known by different names, such as mankoush or mannaeesh (Lebanese), barbari (Iranian), khoubiz or khobz (Arabian), aiysh (Egyptian), kesret and mella (Tunisian), pide or pita (Turkish), and pideh (Armenian)."  So, all of these breads are the SAME?!  And what, French bread and Italian bread are worlds apart?!  Furthermore, he notes that "[s]ome of the breads form a pocket like a pita bread, and some, like the injera of Ethiopia and Eritrea, are thicker and serve as sponges to soak up spicy sauces."  WTF INJERA IS NOT LIKE PITA BREAD.  And let's not even go in to his describing lavash as "crackers."  WTF.  I am in no way a lavash expert, but that's just wrong, people.  WRONG.  Additionally, apparently because we're all the same, this is the only recipe included that brown people make.  White people, however, have a variety of different breads.  And they are really, really different.  Damn, Peter.  Damn.

Okay, I will get off my soapbox now.  But seriously.

Okay.  So!  Lavash "crackers" [I'm not going to make crackers -- I'll roll it a bit thicker.  Maybe it'll be like barbari then, because "[t]he main difference between these breads [noted above] is either how thick or thin the dough is rolled out."]

Lavash = flour + salt + yeast + honey + oil + water =

Stiry stiry stiry.  I fail at taking pics again today, lo siento.  All stirred up + kneaded for ten =

It's really little!  So, halfing the dough today = english muffin dilemma again.  But, that's good b/c I still have a quarter of a loaf of Italian bread and a kaiser roll.  I need to eat more.

Yep, I got it all, sexy from head to toe.  What of it?  So is lavash, even though it's a cracka.

Since this is the only brown people recipe in the book, does that mean I have only this entry to include hot men of color?!

Ah!  Not enough time!  Oh well, I will have to disidentify and include hot men of color in effing French bread or whatevs.  Next week = light wheat bread.  Ha!  Should have saved Drake for then.  [j/k peeps, although probs expect that joke to feature next week again -- I won't be able to help myself]

After ninety minutes, the dough has risen.  The spaceships have landed.  There are locusts where the flies once were.

All "rolled" out:

I didn't really roll it.  I more like pretended I work at a pizza store and flipped it around a lot.  I didn't attempt to toss it though.  It's pretty thin.  Hopefully it won't end up cracker-like.

So, here it is.  I'm confused as to how I should bake this -- Peter says 350 for 15 to 20 for crackers, but if you want pita-style bread, it's at 500 degrees, but he doesn't specify a time.  So, idk.  I put it in at 350 for like seven minutes.  I just put it in for like four more.  So, we'll see what happens.  But, I just took it out like two minutes early b/c I remembered when I attempted to make pita bread using this recipe previously, I waited for it to brown and it got all hard.  So!

Here it is!  This rests for ten minutes.  I have so much to do today, yet seem completely unperturbed by that fact.  Srsly.  I need to make myself a schedule or something.  Which probably includes stop-procrastinating-by-typing-meaningless-stuff-in-blog.  Yup.

Here is a pretty bad crumb-picture:

This is GOOD.  Like, really good.  I need to make some aloo chole for this thing.  5/5 [and don't make fun of me, Batty].  <3


  1. Wow, this is the first 5/5 I've seen you rate. It must really be good.

    It sure looks good.