Marbled Rye Bread

Dude, how many recipes have I done thus far?  I should have counted them or something.  I mean, I guess I could do that now, right?  This is my nineteenth.  I have twenty-four left.  Damn.  That's a lot.  But, I'm almost halfway through!  Should I keep a countdown on my page like Julie did in Julie and Julia?  I mean, she time limited herself (no way I'm doing that), but whateva.  Let me know, fans and friends!  Or don't.  Either way, you know.

Anyway, today's bread represents yours truly.  Dark and white, all mixed up and (hopefully) awesome.  Although I guess I'm more like a smoothie or something, not necessarily divided.  Oh, race.  Why are you in my blog as often as you are?

So!  Marbled rye bread, because it is marbled, requires basically two different doughs which are basically the same thing, except one is darker (again, bread as metaphor for race, totally coming through right here.  I wonder if we can document a prejudice against pumpernickel v. rye.  I have to say I prefer rye, but I mean, whatevs, we already knew I'm totes racist, or else this blog wouldn't be so weird).

So!  We've got light and dark ryes = rye flour + bread flour + salt + yeast + caraway seeds (yep, I splurged, what can I say, I <3 the seeds) + molasses + shortening + water (+ the only difference between the breads -- dark has some cocoa powder in it) =

Top is light, bottom is dark.  I know it looks the opposite, but you'll see.  Kneading this bread was fun!  Maybe it was the difference between including some rye flour, but it was all mattressy.  I can't think of the appropriate adjective right now, but I hope that brings the correct image to mind.

After kneading!

The dark rye reminded me of coffee and/or chocolate ice cream in it's coloring.  Also, it's hot.  So, that could have potentially affected my thinking.  BRB.  Going to get a fudgesicle.

Check it!  It's marbled like the bread!  Anyway . . .

Friends!  They sit for ninety minutes in this separate, but equal sitch.

Oh, and look!  At first, my bookmark for, you know, what recipe I'm on was a subscription maily thing from one of Brendan's Rolling Stones from like Christmas or something.  But the other day, he left a subscription thing for GQ on the table, and I stole it (sorry, B).  Obvi, it's preferable.

Look sharp, live smart, kids.  Buy GQ with James Franco gracing the cover.

After ninety minutes and several chapters of The Host, we have:

Ice-cream-looking friends!  So, I'm making a spiral loaf (that hopefully will look better than that linked picture) =

Hey, look!  It was 2:17!  Thanks, Microwave!  So, at 3:17 (or possibly up to thirty minutes afterwards), this loaf will have finished proofing.

And!

This is huge.  Like, for serious.  It's going to like blow up in the oven, dude.

I haven't taken an oven pic in a while.  So, here, frenemies!

Around 45 minutes later, we've got a finished product, ladies and gents!

Can't wait to see what it looks like cut up!  Just to give you an idea, this is what Peter's picture looks like:

Damn, isn't that lookin' fine?  I can only hope my bread <3s me as much!  Until then (an hour or two til I can cut this up), I go to Target to buy things I most likely don't need.  But I do need.  Oh, my internal struggles with money and capitalism.  Sigh.

After $30 and 1.5 hrs:

Nice swirl.  The bread is kind of underwhelming.  A little too doughy for my taste.  But <3 the caraway seeds.  3/5 <3

Light Wheat Bread

Hello soldiers!  So!  Finally, I'm back with a substantive post.  This week, light wheat bread aka bread with 1/3 wheat flour, 2/3 white.  Like me!  Except I'm more 50/50, leaning, if you get my drift.  I'm making a whole recipe today!  Since the recipe makes one loaf, and I eat sandwiches every day now.

Aight.  Bread flour + wheat flour + sugar + salt + yeast =

What do you spy in that picture, huh?  I KNOW, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I HAVE WHAT I ALWAYS DREAMED OF HAVING.  I CANNOT OVERSTATE MY HAPPINESS AT THIS POINT.  Yes, the always coveted 8 cup pyrex bowl/measuring cup/tool of awesomeness.  I know what you're thinking -- Taneem, you splurged on that?  But you never splurge, and also you buy too many clothes to make another purchase.  WELL, that's why one needs BFFs people!!!!!!!!!!!!  All my thanks and all my love to Nikki and Dana for the BEST PRESENT EVER (this was for graduating).  I felt SO cool measuring today.  As you'll see. <3 <3 <3 N&D!

i think i put my limit on the caps at this point, perhaps the rest of the entry sans caps?  aight, back to the recipe + pyrex awesomeness:

+ milk (the recipe called for powdered, but it was $7 at the store, so I used evaporated) + butter + water =

And stir stir, etc:

Damn, the internets is running slow right now.  Knead and knead.

This sits for 1 1/2 to 2 hrs.  AND, CHECK IT OUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

I KNOW I HAVE FOUR CUPS.  So, this will DOUBLE and I CAN ACTUALLY SEE IT.  Ahhhhh!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 N&D!!!!

PS:

Oww oww!  So cute.  This thing is also eco-friendly aka requires less plastic wrap.  I think it, like Jean Valjean, needs a name.  Any suggestions?  Perhaps, because it was first used on light wheat bread day, and appropriate name would be Drake (who, if you couldn't tell, is one of my ridic obsessions right now).

But, I mean, if we are discussing bread-as-race here, I mean, there are plenty of light-skinned men to choose from, na?!  Ah, whateva.

But don't worry, Idris Elba and Trey Songz, you will get your chance.  Peter does include a recipe for 100 percent whole wheat bread for "whole grain purists."  So, obvi, I will continue associating race with bread and continue objectifying "hot" men, b/c there is nothing problematic about that.  Sigh.

After 1.5 hrs, we have an overachiever:

I am <3ing this bowl thing so much.  Srsly.

PS: I am like super brown right now, after spending like three days out of the week like in direct sunlight for at least five hours.  I qualify as whole wheat bread right now.  For true.  Thanks, Bab, for the Shahnaz Husain Precious Pearl Cream Naturally Whitening Rehydrant Moisturizer straight from the motherland.  I need to use it all summer long.

Back to the actual bread, rather than my effed up race metaphor, we have a loaf:

This hangs for 1.5 hrs, so it can crest, et al.

And here it is, crested like the bell curve of my student grades.  Actually, no, my student grades were relatively skewed.

In the belly of the beast for half an hour (no pix -- I am also cooking spaghetti sauce, so my mind is elsewhere).

I mean, for 45 min.  I misread Peter and was like, oh, this is really light, and then realized it wasn't done and was like, oh, okay, I'll keep making my spaghetti sauce.  Lalalalala.

Ek ya do gunte ke bad, main ye kha sakti hai.  Until then, I'll hang out and live the leisurely life of a real-life-worker's weekend.

4/5 Anyway, I'm going to go watch a movie.  Bye <3

Update, Since You Love Me

Yo readers.  I know how it is, waiting, waiting for a post from me!  Well, actually I don't know how it is b/c I have all the power in this sitch.  So, I be making sure the Young Money ship is never sinking.  And by Young Money, I mean my blog.  Here's what up -- I had finals aka final papers, during which I also started a full time job (that I'm still working), meaning I'm out of the house 9-4 on the daily.  Lo siento.  So, bread baking days = Saturday or Sunday?  Idk.  I might be able to bake after I come home.  Might try tomorrow.

But!  Here's some updates on my adventures with bread, at any rate:

True to my word, pita/lavash/brown-people-bread with aloo chole!!

AND.  GASP.

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I STARTED THIS BLOG.

I.  BOUGHT.  BREAD.

I know.  I'm a horrible person.  But since I'm working (at a summer camp), I need to pack lunch = cheese sandwiches, for which I need bread that I don't have.  SAD.

Hopefully, soon, I'll have a real entry for you, until then, I leave you with this song, in which Drake gives a shout out to me, and by me, I mean Barack Obama, but you know, with a name like mine, you're happy with what you get:



<3

Lavash "Crackers"

Okay, so despite this weekend being my sister and brother-in-law's third wedding-related ceremony/reception, I am baking bread today, Friday, June 4 because it makes me happy and I need to be happy right now.  Fo realz.

Fittingly, a couple days before my sister and BIL reexchange vows for the third time at an Indian-style reception, Peter has me making lavash.  Why, you may ask, is this fitting?  Lavash, as we all know, is not Indian, but is rather of the Iran-ish region of Eurasia.  Well, in the style of my life recently -- considering my viewing of Sex and the City 2 and subsequent ravenous review-reading (see my fave review here) -- Peter totally Orientalizes bread.  DUDE.  Seriously.  I mean, in describing the lavash crackers, he notes, "It [lavash] is similar to the many other Middle Eastern and North African flatbreads known by different names, such as mankoush or mannaeesh (Lebanese), barbari (Iranian), khoubiz or khobz (Arabian), aiysh (Egyptian), kesret and mella (Tunisian), pide or pita (Turkish), and pideh (Armenian)."  So, all of these breads are the SAME?!  And what, French bread and Italian bread are worlds apart?!  Furthermore, he notes that "[s]ome of the breads form a pocket like a pita bread, and some, like the injera of Ethiopia and Eritrea, are thicker and serve as sponges to soak up spicy sauces."  WTF INJERA IS NOT LIKE PITA BREAD.  And let's not even go in to his describing lavash as "crackers."  WTF.  I am in no way a lavash expert, but that's just wrong, people.  WRONG.  Additionally, apparently because we're all the same, this is the only recipe included that brown people make.  White people, however, have a variety of different breads.  And they are really, really different.  Damn, Peter.  Damn.

Okay, I will get off my soapbox now.  But seriously.

Okay.  So!  Lavash "crackers" [I'm not going to make crackers -- I'll roll it a bit thicker.  Maybe it'll be like barbari then, because "[t]he main difference between these breads [noted above] is either how thick or thin the dough is rolled out."]

Lavash = flour + salt + yeast + honey + oil + water =

Stiry stiry stiry.  I fail at taking pics again today, lo siento.  All stirred up + kneaded for ten =

It's really little!  So, halfing the dough today = english muffin dilemma again.  But, that's good b/c I still have a quarter of a loaf of Italian bread and a kaiser roll.  I need to eat more.

Yep, I got it all, sexy from head to toe.  What of it?  So is lavash, even though it's a cracka.

Since this is the only brown people recipe in the book, does that mean I have only this entry to include hot men of color?!

Ah!  Not enough time!  Oh well, I will have to disidentify and include hot men of color in effing French bread or whatevs.  Next week = light wheat bread.  Ha!  Should have saved Drake for then.  [j/k peeps, although probs expect that joke to feature next week again -- I won't be able to help myself]

After ninety minutes, the dough has risen.  The spaceships have landed.  There are locusts where the flies once were.

All "rolled" out:

I didn't really roll it.  I more like pretended I work at a pizza store and flipped it around a lot.  I didn't attempt to toss it though.  It's pretty thin.  Hopefully it won't end up cracker-like.

So, here it is.  I'm confused as to how I should bake this -- Peter says 350 for 15 to 20 for crackers, but if you want pita-style bread, it's at 500 degrees, but he doesn't specify a time.  So, idk.  I put it in at 350 for like seven minutes.  I just put it in for like four more.  So, we'll see what happens.  But, I just took it out like two minutes early b/c I remembered when I attempted to make pita bread using this recipe previously, I waited for it to brown and it got all hard.  So!

Here it is!  This rests for ten minutes.  I have so much to do today, yet seem completely unperturbed by that fact.  Srsly.  I need to make myself a schedule or something.  Which probably includes stop-procrastinating-by-typing-meaningless-stuff-in-blog.  Yup.

Here is a pretty bad crumb-picture:

This is GOOD.  Like, really good.  I need to make some aloo chole for this thing.  5/5 [and don't make fun of me, Batty].  <3