Pain de Campagne

Makin' this ish.  Like for real for real.  Like the whole recipe.  We are dinner partying TONIGHT, bitches. Yesterday, I made some pate fermente to start this off, then took a really involved nap from which I did not wake up until loud rapping on my door reminded me, yes, you have to go watch Twilight now.  Oh yeah.  Sorry.  My cell phone alarm failed me.

Anyway, it is now today and the pate is all fridged out.  So, we start.  Bread flour + rye flour + yeast + pate =

+ water! =

Does anyone know how to get rid of fruit flies that seemingly aren't interested in any one location?  WTF.  OMG.  Moving in a month and a half anyway.  Guess it doesn't really matter.  Mixed and kneaded.

Even Eminem thinks being famous sucks.  Dude, who doesn't?  Apparently, living a normal life is the best thing ever.  So, please, don't share this blog with your friends.  I know it has such potential.  Also, Eminem, you are constantly angry.  I would be much more sympathetic to your situation if you made a Behind the Music.  Most likely.  Unless you are like Lil Wayne and shot yourself when you were eleven on accident and that's like the most traumatic situation in your life and I'm like, dude, I'm not going to suffer along with you because you're stupid and played with a gun and drink cough syrup out of a cup which has to be the least gangsta way of getting high ever.

Anyway, this is supposed to double over two hours and is probably going to double sooner and even though it should still sit for two hours, I'm going to fudge this part because I need to go grocery shopping for the rest of this cheese-filled dinner party.  Cheese like actual cheese.  So, once it doubles, I ATTACK:

Shaped and ready.  This bread can be shaped into various shapes.  I am shaping it into a "fendu."  I know, you're excited.

Here we go!  Separated into batards!

And now fendus, which are basically pressed down batards.

Whoa.  I have a new upstairs neighbor (brown man) who just went to check his mattress airing outside while shirtless.  Forgive me.  Earlier, when I came home from grocery shopping he was texting shirtless by his window.  Yeah.

Anyway.  Yeah, I don't remember what I was talking about.  Here's another picture.

So, these bake for about 20 minutes.

DANCE DEPRIVATION.

Fendu, how do you do?!

And there we are, sweethearts.  4/5  <3

PS: Sorry if that got a little boring at the end there -- I'm attempting to make pavlova and blog at the same time.  Not really working out.

PPS: Dinner party time.  Out of this bread, I made some [what I thought was] delicious garlic bread.  Chris and Kate fight over one spare piece: