Cranberry Walnut Celebration Bread: Recognize, I'm Back

I never let you down, I’ma shine on site.  Keep your mind on your grind and off mines alright.  Hard I'ma ball on them squares I float quarter million dollar cars everywhere I go I know in the lead it may see it might be, but no matter what they doing they don’t do it like me.  Like a G, I hold it down for the town I’m at and I flash like that recognize I’m baaaaaack.

I know, fellow bread bakers and bread lovers, it's been much too long.  I blame whoever stole my camera/ made me lose my pink bag in the abyss that is Maryland.  Ah, well.  I'm back where we all throw it down, your favorite city.  Bitch, please.  You know I <3 blogging.

Today's mission = turning in my taxes and baking.  I hate taxes.  Dude, I can't believe I have to pay this white capitalist heterosexist patriarchy money.  They should pay me money for dealing with this shit.  I can't believe they make me do math every year.

An-ny-way.  Cranberries!  Walnuts!  CELEBRATION!

This is flour + sugar + salt + yeast.  And friends.

Dudes, so you may be wondering, well, what happened to your old camera?  I still haven't found it, but my love for blogging and my blogging fans (I assume there are more than five) made me buy a new one.  I know.  I never buy things.  But my old camera was crap anyway.  And my new one is so cute.  I'd take a picture of it, but that's kind of impossible.  Oh!  Maybe in a mirror.  Next time, little ones.

Back to bread -- the picture above (if you remember it) is + lemon extract [I actually bought some!  Look at me spending $ left and right.] + egg + milk + butter.

Stir, stir, at 10am without even having brushed my teeth.  That is my level of dedication.  I'm even skipping lunch to write this blog.  Making me eat chips and crackers.  OMG.  I need to stop eating so horribly.

These new pictures take longer to load.  But, I hope they are better quality.  They are, look at all the specks on our countertop.  Betcha didn't see THOSE before.

Need to knead for five minutes, comes out lookin' lovely.  Well, hello there.

Sorry, I didn't get any pictures of the ATTACK this time, like with the raisin one.  There was too much attacking here.  They waited.  Cranberries, then walnuts.  Overtake, overtake.  PS: I'm currently reading Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games (thanks, Meg!), so my brain is filled with attack scenarios.

I realized it was a mistake to start baking as soon as I got up, b/c the point of baking early was so that I would come back after a 12:30 meeting and be ready to you know, shape this lovely dough, but it rose for longer than it would b/c I started right after I woke up.  Convolution -- here and there.  This blog is making no sense.  Too much talking, not enough pictures.  Too much bread.  Not enough hot boys.  Here:

I was going to show that picture to my class to talk about men sitting, but it didn't show up b/c I didn't save it to my compy and I have a lovely Macintosh.  But you can enjoy.  And try to come up with a related point to cranberry walnut celebration bread.  I thought of one.

So, after [more than] two hours, we've got this.  Doubled?  Who knows.  All I know is [ah!  I can't come up with a witty joke or pun!  My life is going to RUINS.  RUINS!]

SO.  Now.  This requires a braid.  And we all remember the horror of a braid when I was required to do one while making challah.  So . . . *gulp* . . . this braid is DOUBLE LAYERED.  Like one on top of another.  Like a cake.  Or a bus.  Or something.  TWO BRAIDS, PEOPLE.  Two braids.  (Vicky/Natty -- and Brendan! --, I hope you're getting the reference.)

So, here goes.

Three logs + three logs.

Omg.  I don't understand why I had so much trouble with this with the challah.  Honestly, it wasn't that hard.  Sometimes.  Doing two was pretty easy.

So, this is washed in egg wash.  Hot.  Like a sponge bath.

It was that much fun.  Omg, sponges!!

Glistening.

Endarkened ovens.  25 then 25.  Then, bread.  BREAK.

Looks pretty sweet, no?  Would you rather have this or James Franco?

Or this [me having a dance party to Van Morrison -- yes I can dance to anything].  I am so cool.

Bread, cut!

Ch-ch-check it.  I need to figure out how this camera takes close-ups.  This bread is good -- eh, a 3.7/5.  But, b/c of the inclusion of nuts, it'll probably become french toast.  That's right, it's TOAST.  Dude, why does that saying exist?  I mean, toast is only slightly burnt, and is actually better than plain bread, imho.  "You're toast" will thus forward be, for me, a compliment.  <3