Casatiello

I have a confession to make.  Earlier this week, I cheated on Peter.  That's right.  I made zucchini bread as formulated by Betty Crocker.  Oh, Peter, would you ever forgive me?!  Peter, tell me whatcha say.  I don't want you to leave me, though you caught me cheatin'.  Tell me, tell me whatcha say.  I really need you in my life, cuz things ain't right.  I'll make it up to you -- I'll blog about you and not Betty.  First, though, ode to my mistress, Betty on the zucchini side.

With Batty's help!  She came to visit me!  Here she is enjoying the zucchini bread and (badly) attempting to imitate my bread-eating face.

Bottom line is I don't look like that.

Anyway, to demonstrate my full-fledged love for Peter over Betty, I'm baking for you, Peter.  So, whatcha say?  When I become a star, we'll be living so large, if that helps at all.

So, anyway, today is casatiello, "a rich, dreamy Italian elaboration of brioche, loaded with flavor bursts in the form of cheese and bits of meat, preferably salami."  Oh, if only I could think of a hot Italian guy to use as a simile in this blog entry, because that sentence is ripe for it.  I can't though.  Is the guy in Unfaithful Italian?  No, he's French.  Neither is that hot guy in Love Actually.  Italians, you need to get on this hot guy actor thing.  Geez.  And I'm not talking about this:

Although, as I have previously admitted, I for some reason harbor a strange attraction to The Situation.  Anyway...

Sponge = flour + yeast + milk.  This sits for an hour.  Meanwhile...

Fake salami!  It looks so real.  I can't believe they include fake things to look like those little bits of fat.  The salami is cut up and fried to be a little crispy.  Peter says you can include fake things like fried bits of tofu (I figured that would have no taste) or bacon bits (which weirded me out and Batty and Brendan told me it was a bad idea).  So, we'll see how this turns out, esp b/c fake salami has no additional fat, so idk.  Whatever.  I cooked it up.

Still looks raw, but believe me, it's (a little) crispy.  So, anyway, an hour later, we have sponge + flour + salt + sugar + egg =

This sits for ten minutes so it can get all gluten-y.  Now comes fun!  Kneading!

omg, so when Peter said casatiello is like brioche, I forgot that The Oppressors' brioche has like eighty pounds of butter in it and b/c the upper class is always what's you know, normal, obviously when Peter says casatiello is like brioche, he means like buttery Oppressors.  Butter in this recipe = twice what's pictured!  So, apparently Italians have only one class, the upper class, and can therefore afford a lot of butter.  Seriously.  This baby bread has 1/3 cup of butter in it.  And cheese.  And salami.  At least I'm low-fatting it with fake salami.  Sort of.  Although that's so bourgie.  Anyway, so, I kneaded the ridiculous amount of butter into the dough.

And "salami"!

Looks like pizza.  And cheese!

This is like pizza bread or something.  Just needs some tomato sauce.  Would probably be delicious breadsticks.  I guess all Italian food is pizza.

So, all the butter, salami, and cheese kneaded in =

Bad picture.  It looks like mashed potatoes with skin.

After a little more than 90 minutes (got caught up in reading boring things about family and money. yuck), it rose!

So, you can bake this bread in a paper bag.  How cool is that?  So not Oppressor-y.  But the butter.  THE BUTTER.  Unfortunately, this poser-y-proletariat-bread-baked-in-a-bag also requires a can.  A bag in a can.  A #10 can.  Which, I, as a person who normally cooks for one, would never have.  So, a loaf pan it is.  Bo-ring.

So, per usual (I want to write "per ush."  How can you spell that?  Per you-zh?), I have class at 5:30.  So, I came up with a genius idea!  This is supposed to proof for sixty to ninety minutes, but I'll be gone for you know, three hours (unless class ends early -- fingers crossed).  So!  I put it near a window!

Baby in my room!  I know, don't I have a great view?!  Hopefully the cooler temp will slow the rise so it'll be normal in three hours.  idk, I just made this up.

So, I'm back (a little early) and have this:

So, I think it kind of worked.  I also realized the loaf pans I have are bigger than the average loaf pan, so that may also explain why the dough doesn't necessarily crest over the top of the pan.  Hey, we can't all be The Situation.  Some of us have to be Vinny and/or Pauly D.  Or Ronnie at the reunion special.

Baby back at home.

omg, this bread smells so good.  Like a sandwich cooking in a sandwich maker, except better.  And also like for thirty minutes.

Looks like chicken pox though.  Just know those spots are melted cheese and/or salami.  Yum.  Peter makes me wait an hour to eat it, though.  But I accept that as punishment for infidelity.  (PS: Last week, I was supposed to wait an hour to eat brioche, but I didn't b/c I was tired.  I couldn't hold in the secret any longer.  I didn't notice a difference, but I will wait out of love for Peter.  PPS: Watching the Olympics.  Shaun White is so genderqueer.)

OMG.  This bread is delicious.  DELICIOUS.  Best bread so far, hands down (probs all that butter :) ) .  Yums.  And my camera is taking half-decent pictures!  Good times.  Plus, good bread = I guess Peter forgave me :) <3