White Breads

White breads.  Just your everyday Wonder or whatever.  Peter gives us three different variations to work with.  I wonder what the difference is.  BUT, we won't be finding out, because really, I don't need to be baking three different versions of the same bread.  I settled on version two because I had the ingredients on hand.  No buying fucking powdered milk here, people.  White BREAD.

We start with flour + salt + sugar + yeast + egg + butter + milk =

I just realized my camera has a "crop for blog" setting.  In not the next picture, but the one after that, we will see what this means.  Anyway, this is kneaded and ready to sit for 1.5-2 hours:

This blog will probably be pretty boring.  Sometimes life exists.  This is one of those times.

I didn't even get to fiddle with the "crop for blog" setting!  Reading, why are you so enthralling?!

Okay, so after 1.5 hrs, we've got a glug glug:

Which becomes a pretty boule:

Which naps for twenty minutes.  Annnd, I read.  I know you are incredibly disappointed by the lack of racial jokes thus far.  I apologize.  I mean, it's white bread.  It's basically too easy.

The boule then gets shaped, pretty red pan, lalalala:

I neglected to take very many pictures during this process, but because I don't have much time (thyme?!  no, that's caraway seeds atop the loaf), here y'all are!

Wahhhhh!  This bread is/was so delicious!  Who knew!?  White bread, dude.  White bread!  Made grilled cheese with this and some homemade tomato soup all up this bitch, people!  PLEASE.  5/5 <3>

New Blogger won't let me type in an actual heart!  WTF. <3 p="p">

Vienna Bread

Waaaah.  People.  I need to finish this blog.  I literally have like TWO breads left in this years-long journey (okay, literally, I have FIVE left, including this one) and I want to complete something.  It will be like finishing my PhD, except...yeah.

So, you know, living my life, etc etc, and THEN, I get this wonderful Eid gift from Andrea and Shaad:

It's bread.  That you can make from a bottle.  More than that, people, it's sourdough bread that you can make from a bottle.  My long-time-listeners will know that it takes weeks to make sourdough without a bottle.  BUT, importantly, it reminded me that HEY, I like baking bread.  And, you know, I have this blog I need to finish, and HEY why not a distraction from completing the reading on my reading lists.  So, with no further ado:

You know what's funny, I moved (note the table above), but the countertops are the same as at my old place.  Must be the cheapest available in my city of residence.  Anyway, this is pate fermentee cut up and warming up on my cheap-ass countertop.

AND, I am so out of practice on blogging (does it require practice?  I say yes.) that I took like no pictures while preparing the actual dough.  Sorry, lovers and friends.  URSHER JON AND LUDA HAD TO DO IT AGAIN

Oh my god, people.  You know what I just realized.  I FORGOT TO ADD AN INGREDIENT.  FUCK.  Brb.

Okay, yeah, so there's that.  What's even more annoying is that ingredient (barley malt syrup) was (one of) the reason(s) that it took me so long to start this bread, b/c I had to look at specialty grocery stores for it.  Well, I stirred it in and hopefully everything will turn out alright.  This is also pate fermentee + bread flour + sugar + FUCKIN BARLEY AMLDFJSLDFJSDFLKJ + salt + yeast + egg + butter + water.  Sits for two hours.  See you cats then.

Woo.  See that barely stirred in barley shit?  Yup.  So this is after two hours.  Now, I shape it and it sits for whatever amount of time it takes me to do my laundry.

After laundry:

Blub blub.  This was like that thing that ate everything in that kids' book I all of a sudden remember which only Bat and Zain will maybe get the reference to?  Maybe??  It ate all the books and desks and stuff and was made of cafeteria lunch or something.

Cut.  Floured.  Ready to GET HOT.

So it was sort of flat and wide, basically like a sting ray bread.  It burnt a little on one end, but overall, it wasn't that bad.  I will probably make soup soon to go with this.  The bread itself tastes delicious and now I have a whole jar of barley malt syrup I don't know what to do with.  COOL.  4/5 <3>