Saturday, May 15, 2010

italian bread ooh la la

I am typing this from the insomniac posting time: three am, [technically] saturday morning.  i started baking this on thursday.  the starter is in the fridge.  the brain is on fire.  the toast is in the toaster.  the cookies are burning.

so for now i have no pictures, but there are pictures, which i will place in their rightful positions come [real and legit] morning.

it's thursday.  i'm wearing shoes that fasten with velcro.  and an apron.  i'm putting together a starter before an unplanned class.  it's flour + yeast + salt =

italian bread is basically softer french bread, according to peter.  also there are a lot of italian breads.  so peter's like, wtf, america?  why so culturally homogenizing?  and i'm like, peter, other people have bigger problems in cultural homogenization than freakin' bread.  get over yourself and your craft.  like for serious. have a freakin' sitting position -- the label for which is ubiquitous -- named after you, then we'll talk.

That was when I stopped at three last night.  It is now Saturday morning.  I am delirious with [shouldn't actually be] lack of sleep.  I have a lot of work to do.  This is that.

The mix with water added to the party.  H2OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Since I took these pictures a billion days ago, I don't really remember.  I am assuming this is the previous mix kneaded, b/c it's all in a ball and everything.  So, this sat for four hours.  I sat miserable and sick in class, drinking tea and pretending to pay attention.  Thank you Dayquil.

After four hours.  It is like nine o'clock by this point.  I am watching The Office and eating dinner.  [insert a funny joke about The Office here] PS: I was so glad they referenced Obsessed.  This episode was funny, as I recall in my distorted sleepy-vision.

I stayed up really late on Thursday and watched re-runs of oh no i accidentally pressed underline and i can't find the underline buttton oh it's u The Cosby Show and painted my nails.  It was like a one-person sleepover.  I was also slightly delirious at this point from having a cold and not being able to sleep [the nyquil included in my dayquil/nyquil package did not work as well].

But while I stayed up, the bread went to sleep early!

Look it's my I'm-sick-Gatorade!  Good night baby!

The baby slept forever, because I was too busy to make bread on Friday.  So it's Saturday.  I didn't take pictures of taking the dough out of the fridge, but pretend I did.  You can just look at last time's pictures. I took the biga out of the fridge and cut it up, like I did with the pate fermente for french bread.  It also sits for an hour to "take the chill off."  JUST DRINK SOME HOT CHOCOLATE, BITCH.

So after an hour, the pieces are big like last time.

Whuddup whuddup.

More flour + salt + sugar + yeast =

+ biga + olive oil + water =

I don't mind telling you lies.

I stir for a few minutes.  I knead for ten minutes.

And these are our results.  Bread is science.  I am doing science right now.  How disappointing.  Dietetic dialectic.  My new band and blog name.  When I type this into google images, this is the first thing that comes up:

Derridian Dietetic Dialectic?

Anyway, that hunk of dough above sits for two hours while I attempt to work.  I NEED TO WORK.  I KNEAD TO WORK.  I need to make that my slogan on bread days -- kneading to work.  Like making bread to work.  I hope that makes sense to you like it does to me.

Two hours later: book review = almost done [fingers crossed]; bread = monster:

Enter galactic you and me:

So that's a batard, which means bastard!  Ha.  Wikipedia doesn't have a separate entry for batard v. baguette.  LAME.  Get ready, pop it, let's go.  And sit.  For another hour.  So I can finish my book review and laundry and then make something else to eat tonight and get ready to dance.  I live a busy lifestyle.  Whataya want from me?

Voila!  [Is "voila" French or Italian?  It's French.  Sorry, then.  Brava?  That's Italian, na?  I'm all strung out, my heart is fried.


Again, we have "hearth-style baking" and again, I attempted an action shot for my voracious readers.  Want to have a slumber party in my basement?  I live in a basement, basically.

It kind of worked!  I think my finger was moving toward the lens or something, though.  Or my kitchen is a psychedelic heaven.  Jealous?

This baked way quicker than it said.  I checked on it ten minutes in and it already looked like this.  I checked out it's bottom and it was done!  So, I took it out.  Hey-yo.  Sits for an hour until I DEVOUR IT [rhymes!].  Wait for pics, ladies and gents.

Ch-ch-check it.  This is GOOD.  It's soft and tasty.  I'd have to say 4.5/5.  I don't know why the extra .5 isn't there.  Probs cause it's not as fatty as my 5 breads.  You know.  All up on it, know you wanna clone it <3

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