Cinnamon Raisin Walnut Bread: The Gang's All Here!

And by the gang, I mean all of the gross things.  I don't like cooked raisins.  I don't really like walnuts (unless with noonandpaneer).  I like cinnamon, so we can be friends in this adventure with all the other gross things.  You might ask: "Taneem, why are you doing this then?  WTF?  Why not just skip the recipe?"  I have one answer: When I took karate for a wasted eight billion years of my life, there was a sign in the little room aka dojo.  Winners never quit, and quitters never win.  I think.  So, there.  PS: I quit karate.  Sports are for losers.

So, I'm making this bread because I am a winner!  And because people aka Brendan will eat it if I hate it.  So whatever, I like baking.  Hi.

Anyway, flour + sugar + salt + yeast + cinnamon =

This + egg + shortening + milk + water =

Stir, stir, stir!  I need to make a bread song.  It will have a lot of puns.  Like, I knead to make a bread song.  Ha!

Who's the boy you like the most?  Is he teasing you with underage?

I'm teasing you with dough.  All stirred up.  Like James Bond.  Or something.

This is what I do when it won't stir all the way in the bowl.  It's hard to incorporate everything.  Will I talk about this every week?  I guess so.  So, I incorporated it by hand.  And got a pretty dough-of-color.  Take that, racist bakers.

Why can't I keep it like this?  Just bake cinnamon bread?  Maybe I should have.  But, too late.

ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  DOUGH, WALNUTS, RAISINS, ALL FIGHTING FOR THE VICTORY, WHO WILL WIN?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You forget, in Taneem's feminist and pacifist breadbaking world, we are all friends.  Now, they realize.  And are friends.

Sit for a couple hours.  Become better friends.  Nothing like being stuck in a big red bowl together for two hours.  I might take a nap.  I always say that.

Two hours later (I did take a little nap, but I might take another one), and!:

So, in order to assist in making this bread as non-gross as possible, I'm following a little comment Peter has on the side of the recipe, involving:

Cinnamon and sugar!!  Again!  Yaay!  I don't understand why Peter puts his recipes in alphabetical order.  I mean, why not all the sweet breads, and all the sandwich ones or whatever.  Why like this?  I mean, it's kind of nice, b/c there's variety.  Except when two sweet breads land next to each other.  Or when one of the breads in cinnamon buns and you don't have any bread to eat for the week, and then the next bread is this shiz, and it's not like you can make a sandwich with this.

So, anyway, in this addendum to the recipe, you swirl.  Like last week.  Deja vu, except it turned into a nightmare b/c it involves cooked raisins.

Have to admit, with the stuff in the dough, it does look pretty.  But, then, when you're rolling the stuff up, bits and pieces of walnut and raisin fall out.

Packed up and ready to go!  Like a well-stuffed piece of luggage.

In this probably too big pan.  I realized, also, that when I let the dough rise, it's nice outside = no heat, but it's cold in here still = baby dough.  So, I put it in the oven, again, to let it rise so it doubles.  Maybe it'll crest the pan.  Whateva.  The quarter's over (save grading), and this is my reward.  And it's a gross reward.  Nap time, again!

Nap fail.  I hate nap fail.  Back to what you are all really here for.  The bread.  After about ninety minutes, it's keepin' pace.

What does keepin' pace mean?  I don't really know.  But it's a real phrase, no?  I thought it sounded apropos.  The walnuts look even grosser in this picture.  So do the raisins, like little bugs.  Don't worry, I have to eat this, not you.

For some reason, Peter says you should put the loaf/ves (because there's supposed to be two -- as always, I cut the recipe in half) on a sheet pan in the oven.  Why?  You got me.  It's the blind leading the blind here, except insert another saying that isn't so problematic.

So, here it is, on a sheet pan in the oven:

A different angle on the oven.  I know, it's cool.  So, this is in the hot seat for twenty minutes, then twenty to thirty more.

After forty minutes!

This actually looks relatively tasty.  I'm excited to see what it looks like with the "swirl" inside, at any rate.  I should have used chocolate chips instead of raisins.  Chocolate chip walnut bread I could handle. Rests here for one to two hours.

Aaaaaaand:

Ah!  What do I think?

This is surprisingly good.  I mean, really good.  For a bread with walnuts and raisins.  *Gasp* -- I think I want another piece!!!!!!!  4.5/5 stars! <3

Ciabatta: Day Two

So, I think in this post, I can't rhyme.  I mean, in the last one, there were three pictures.  This picture will involve a lot more.  So, since I'm not rhyming, I can actually write stuff.  Haha.  So, Peter has a bunch of recipes for ciabatta -- stuff that involves mushrooms, cheese, and biga.  I decided to do the poolish recipe b/c poolish is an easier starter than biga, which involves kneading.  And I didn't have time for that yesterday.  Okay, that's a lie.  I did have time for that yesterday, but I thought I was going to start baking this on Thursday, and I wouldn't have time on Thursday, but then I ended up sleeping from eight to four on  Thursday, so that didn't happen.  Oh, grad school <3

So, the moral of the story is I'm making ciabatta with a poolish starter.  Foolish.

After a one night stand with the fridge, the poolish is so suave, thinking it's so great.  I'm sure you know. This sits for an hour to get dechilled.  Haha.  It cannot be so cool when I work with it.  Lose your swagga, poolish.

So, poolish + flour + salt + yeast + water =

This was annoying.  I hate having to guesstimate water amounts to add.  I never know what to do.  So, I probably added way too much water b/c I hate having to wait until the flour soaks up all the water.

So, I mixed everything together, then continued to mix for five minutes, probably for the gluten.  Everything in bread making is for the gluten.  Like it's special or something.  GET A LIFE, GLUTEN.

So, this gets transfered to a "bed" of flour.  I didn't know exactly what that meant.  I mean I <3 bed.  So, I made sure the dough would be comfortable in its nap.

The picture does not do that bed justice.  I actually think flour would be a really comfortable bed.  I mean, when I was younger, for some reason me and my sisters came up with substances we'd like to jump into a pool of.  I would still love to swim in flour and rice.  That's TMI, probs.

N E wayz, the dough gets transferred to this bed, hangs out for two minutes (FOR THE GLUTEN PROBS).

The then dough gets stretched.  First, it relaxes, then it gets tortured.  In its own bed.  This poor dough is probably like bipolar or something at this point.  You stretch the dough twice its normal rectangle, then fold it on top of itself, like a letter.

Here it is, all finished being folded!

So, this sits for half an hour, then gets tortured again.  I am coming to the realization that all bread baking is torture, for both the dough -- which goes through a series of rests followed by hard work -- and the baker, who must stay at home all day because baking takes eight hours and with little bits of work in those eight hours.

So, after this half hour, the dough gets stretched again.  This time I documented the process for you!  I know you're excited.  Or, you know, excited that the blog is shortened by just being pictures instead of text.  Either way:

Wasn't that enlightening?  Don't even, I know I'm the new Descartes.  The Locke of Loaves, The Paine of Pain, The Kant of Kneading.

N E Wayz, so I'm taking a cue from Benzie's comment on my last post (!) and attempting to make the dough rise faster -- I don't have that much time today, so I am attempting to circumvent the torturous tools of bread baking.  So, per her comment, I was going to put a glass of boiling water in the (not turned on) oven, along with the dough.  But, then I opened the oven, and realized it's already warm.  Our stove is weird.  It's always warm.  B/c of the pilot light?  I have no idea.  Anyway, so when you're looking at this picture, don't worry, the blog isn't almost over!  We still have more fun ahead of us!!  Or, you can stop reading now, and I have more fun ahead of me.  : (

I just put it on a plate.  So, this will sit in there for hopefully only an hour.

So, after an hour, I checked on it.  It's huge.

As big as the plate!  Yay for oven heat!  So, now it goes in a couche, which is basically just a cloth that the dough proofs in so that it doesn't become a blob.  Instead of buying a $21 one from King Arthur Flour, I just used a pillowcase I never use that came with a duvet cover I bought.  I'm so creative!  It's not canvas (Peter says it should be linen), but it's two layers of fabric, and then I folded it in half, so hopefully it'll do the trick.

All of the cooking things I use are red.  I need to switch things up.  I tried to by using that blue bowl yesterday.  Writing about that would have involved some serious rhymes though.  I'm using a blue bowl today, don't worry the red bowls are not away.  I just wanted to switch things up, so when you're reading my blog you think "whup-whup."  Whoop, whoop?

So, this sits for forty five to sixty minutes, during which I will read about state formations and listen to how great good and/or hood love is.  Same thing really.  Esp if it involves TI.  Or maybe about young radiolarians.  Blah blah blah.  (Andrew Bird, not Ke$ha.)

So, after about 45 minutes, we get this:

So, ciabatta is my first bread that requires hearth-style baking!  Which Peter is like hardcore about.  So, you put a "steam pan" in the oven with a cup of hot water in it, along with the bread itself.  Then, you close the oven for thirty seconds, then you open it up, spray water on the sides of the oven, close again for thirty seconds, spray again -- you repeat that three times, then lower the heat and bake it.  Apparently, it gives the bread a nice crust.  So, when I was buying travel-sized toiletries at Target the other day, I bought a little spray bottle!  I've done hearth baking without one before, but it was annoying.  It involved flicking water on the sides of the oven with my fingers.  It was hectic and got water everywhere.

So, here's my little bottle!  He needs a name.  He also has two personalities, sad and proud:

So, based on his appearance and personalities, if you can come up with a name, let me know.

So, I put the steam pan in the oven:

It may not look like it, but I promise there's water in there.

And then sprayed the oven!

I'm like a superhero!  Creating hearth ovens all over the world!  Watch out, non-steamed bread, I'm coming to get youuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, the bread bakes for ten minutes, gets turned around, then cooks for five to ten more.  Excited!  Mainly for something that looks like this:

Such a reward is only fitting to end my duties as a superhero.

Exactly like that, basically.

After fifteen minutes, it's done!

It's a little burnt, me thinks.  But, I'll see in forty-five minutes!

I was trying to get a good picture of the holes, but my camera wasn't working with me.  This bread is tasty.  The bottom is a little crusty aka burnt, but overall, still delicious!  I know the holes are supposed to look like this, but whatever.  My baby is still tasty!

Superhero onward!!  <3

Challah: Sacrilegious on a Saturday

This blog entry is dedicated to:

my babies Vicky and Natty! (They are looking in the distance at something really cool, no doubt -- maybe me, except I wasn't there.  Maybe in the direction of C-bus.), who made me an honorary Jew.  Hence, I am baking challah on the sabbath.  I'm a bad honorary Jew.  Unless Jewish people bake challah on Saturday, in which case, I am affirming my honorary religious values.  Bread = religion.

CHOLLA!

Anyway.  Challah (or CHOLLA!!) starts with flour + sugar + salt + yeast =

And in a separate bowl, oil + egg + egg yolk + water =

Foamy!

Look!  Friends!  Or baby and bigger baby.  These get mixed together.  I never understand why liquids and dries are mixed together separately and then added together.  Also, I may have not added enough yeast, b/c cutting the recipe in half = 2/3 tsp, and I mean, how do you measure that?  So, we'll see if it's all sluggish today aka I get a challah cracker, in which case, hey, I just invented a new product, which will be called CHOLLA CRACKAS.  Haha, racialization (PS: please realize all my humor ever is tongue-in-cheek, if you don't already know me.)

Mixed together and ready to knead!  Yay!  PS: kneading is really hard.  It's like the only exercise my arms get ever.  I realize how scrawnily-muscled my arms are.

After ten minutes of kneading (BLAH), it passed the windowpane test (yay!), and I get this pretty thing:

Kneading does seem a little more worth it b/c the dough is so pretty and soft afterwards.  But it would be nicer if I had a mixer.  But then I wouldn't be physically one with the dough.  So, maybe kneading isn't so bad.

This sits:

for an hour, and hopefully will, you know, rise, with perhaps not enough yeast in it.

So, after an hour, it looks like this:

I guess it does look a little bigger.  I need one of these awesome bread measuring things, so I can actually see if the dough is rising at all, or if it's just lying to me.  LIAR.  Or maybe just one of these.  Maybe next month, when I hopefully don't get unexpected expenses aka clothes and parking tickets.

Anyway, so breadmaking is so weird.  After the hour that this sat, all I do is knead it for two minutes so it can degas (or this).  OMG.  So this is the first time I ever looked up degas, and all this time, I thought it was some fancy French term pronounced like the artist's name.  But it's just de-gas.  Which is gross and way less fancy.  I will continue to pronounce it like the artist's name.

So, now, all degased (NOT degassed), it's ready to sit again for another hour.  See, breadbaking is weird.

So, after an hour it should be one and a half times its original size:

Hope that works.  It looks bigger than the previous picture, at any rate, na?  So, challah is all braided and stuff (we'll see how that goes -- um, braided dough = difficult).  So, the dough needs to be split into three equal pieces, which you know, was difficult.  Um, mine aren't so equal.  Sorry, babies.

One is like a monster.  The other two are like normal.  Hope the normal two don't feel the anxiety I'm sure Robert Pattinson feels around Taylor Lautner.  These sit for ten minutes (again, WTF baking?).  PS: Our upstairs neighbor is so weird.  He -- b/c a) I think he lives alone b) I think he is a man and c) I think he is a FOBby Indian -- is always like banging around.  Are you making a chair or something?!  What are you doing?!?!

So, after ten minutes, the normal ones are def feeling some R-Patz anxiety.

Okay, maybe not.  Maybe they look exactly the same.  So, these get rolled out (and yes, they are supposed to be tapered -- I am doing some things right).

Slugs.  I put the fat one in the middle for the braid aka conglomerated mess.  Um, yeah.  Braiding challah does not = braiding other things.  It's way more complicated.  You start in the middle and yeah.  Whatever.  I ended up with this hideous looking mass:

Like.  What is that.  That's what I get for baking bread on the Sabbath is what it is.  Peter provided horrible directions on how to braid this shiz.  So, this is bathed in egg wash and subsequently looks dirty:

Yeah, people.  I know.  So, this sits for an hour or so (yay!  I have time to not be dressed like a sloth!) and will hopefully look more like a braid after that.  Or, you know, more like not gross.

So, after an hour plus some more (I don't remember when I finished egg washing above), we got this:

Looks fatter for sure.  Did it get one and a half times bigger?  Who knows.  Does it look more like a braid?  No.  Does it still look like a horrible, conglomerated mess?  Yes.  Challah, why you hatin' on me?

BURN, THEN, BURN.

Muahahahhahahahahaha.  Burns for twenty, then turns around, then probs about twenty more.  AND IT BETTER LOOK BETTER WHEN IT GETS OUT.  (Sorry -- all caps looks so mean.)

Soo:

 

One with and one without flash.  Braid = uber fail.  Uber fail.  You can only see the lines.  Like Taylor Lautner's abs.  But the bread itself looks tasty!  Sweets.  Smells good, too.  Per you-zh, gotta wait ek gunta to perform bread surgery aka slice the bread.

This is good bread.  It's buttery, but doesn't have any butter in it.  Yums.  Yums.  Four and a half out of five stars.

 

Yay!  CHOLLA!  <3