Barm + rye flour + water + my secret ingredient (yeast -- secrets are boring, anyway. Unless they are fun, and yeast is not fun.). PS: Are you supposed to do this? -- He said to me, but (blah blah.). Like a period after a period and parenthesis? It looks funny.
Anyway. So, hopefully my secret ingredient will help the barm out. Because this poor barm has traveled with me across state lines, across fridge lines, and across the love/hate line (so many binaries!). We are generally in hate. It hasn't really cooperated with me in terms of the whole rising when it should thing. This could also be because the house in which I'm currently being put up is freezing. Both barm and I are not rising to the occasion. GET IT? I haven't done my reading lists, either. Let's be friends.
More pictures. Less words.
Dough after mixing. Needs to double in four hours. So, would you hold me please? I'm trying hard to breathe; I'm just surviving.
Pre-dough mix #2:
My life is on the line here, people. MY LIFE. So, after searching literally EVERYwhere for all the ish Peter calls for for this bread (coarse whole-rye (pumpernickel-grind) flour, rye meal, or rye chops (cracked rye) -- that's five different names for one ingredient -- five different types of rye flour variant -- none of which I could find), I decided to just use dark rye flour. I know, people, I could have bought this for ten dollars plus shipping, but really?! How are there no stores that don't sell pumpernickel-grind flour? I mean, do people never make pumpernickel bread? I guess not:
I had no idea there was a dislike of pumpernickel bread out there. Anyway, so, that mixture sits overnight. See you in four hours, when hopefully I will have finished my reading lists and our firm rye starter will git r done -- yes, I just said that.
So, Christmas miracles do happen! Or, adding yeast was a good idea. Or I didn't need to add yeast. It rose to double in two hours!
So ominous. And bubbly. This also sits overnight (in the fridge). Or I might start baking at six. I mean, six hours is like overnight, right? My desperation to see this bread through might encourage me to take short naps while the bread rises.
Dead bread head
So I decided six hours is like overnight. This will assist me in scheduling my bread baking picking up my little sister day tomorrow. Life on break is overwhelming and more than hectic. Anyway, the above pieces you see are the starter cut up and chillaxing -- or perhaps warmaxalgiaognosg -- warming up, which cannot be transformed into an -axing verb, for an hour.
This is rye flour + salt + caraway seeds (obvi not optional for me) + the starter + the sponge. I decided not to add yeast this round b/c the starter super rose earlier, so I figured that amount of yeast was enough for the whole loaf. Hopefully. I am a cheaterpants. Also, I loving having a mixer at my disposal. It makes it so easy to produce this:
All stirred up, this sits for four hours, or until it doubles, which might be quicker. Yay yeast! Yay warm ovens! I didn't use that short cut this time, b/c the oven here isn't already warm. Makes me miss my baby kitchen. Oh, baby kitchen, I will be home soon! And then I can stop constantly eating cookies, too . . .
After four hours:
It looks like it doubled. I then shaped the dough, but it looks really gross, so I won't show you the picture. I was going to show you a picture of a hot celebrity instead, but I realized in a conversation I had earlier today with my sister that I have no strong celebrity crushes right now. Odd and disappointing. Everyone is so old hat. I kind of stopped watching movies, too, and the only tv I'm watching right now is Gossip Girl. Penn Badgely? But that's just so . . . yeah. Oh! But I did just google him and he was born in Baltimore. Holla! Another thing I just realized? I'm going to be driving all over this motherfucking country in like a second. All over. AH.
Anyway, here's the shaped dough a little further away, so it doesn't look as grotesque:
This dough was dense. The bread is going to be so doughy. Yeesh. Hey! We do still have that Hulk chocolate syrup. I was just thinking about that the other day. (This is a comment only my sisters will understand -- it's also kind of gross that we still have that syrup.) This sits in the fridge overnight. See you all tomorrow.
This was def one of the most stressful breads ever. It didn't rise very much in the four hours it was supposed to when it came out of the fridge. I left it out for like eight hours. I still don't think it rose enough. Also I'm baking it on the eve of many roadtrips. But! It finally finished, after like fifteen more minutes in the oven than it should have taken. It's like a motherfucking brick.
Sits for an hour while I pack and watch Batty pore over The Hunger Games (finally) on her fancy working person's Kindle.
Yaaaaay!!!
So, this was actually way better than it looked. The bread tastes good, if only it rose like it was supposed to. Ratings:
Me: 3/5
Batty: 3.5/5
My dad: 4/5
So yeah, even though the bread looks like shit, it's not horrible. Yay! I hope this bodes well for the rest of the breads, which I WILL FINISH. NOW. I mean, you know, now-ish. But, in a couple months, hopefully. And by hopefully, I mean YES. <3
